I’ve written about authenticity before and the topic came up again a couple of weeks ago during week one of the most recent Yoga & Wellness session that I am facilitating.  The word/concept inevitably comes up when we are talking about core values, beliefs and living yoga on and off the mat.

So, that led to my posting the Dr. Seuss quote yesterday morning on my Living Life, Making Choices Facebook page (if you haven’t ‘liked’ it yet – click on the link to the left) and then the topic of ‘keeping it real’ arose again when I spent time with a good friend yesterday.  Where is this leading me, you might ask?  I’m not sure – I don’t really have a detailed, thoughtful post here, but feel that it’s important to trust my instincts that someone needs this message today.

So, I’ll keep going with the flow…. I’ve been thinking about how even when authenticity is one of our core values – it can be challenging to be real all the time. I pride myself upon being authentic and truthful.  I do, however, find myself thinking carefully about how I word things when I am delivering a message that I think might disappoint someone.  My friend reminded me of the importance of Dr. Seuss’ words…. if someone ‘minds’ my truth – and/or I find it difficult to deliver that truth, then I should ask myself how much it matters since I am not responding authentically.

This is not new information to me – I know this – I practice this in my life pretty regularly, so what does it mean when I find myself spending too much time thinking about how to word something …. nothing, really – just a gentle reminder.  No judgment of self, no harsh words for others… just a gentle reminder.  Those who matter – they really won’t mind.  So say what you want to say.

Then I think – well this might not be realistic for us to do with everyone in our lives 24/7.  So if we think about times when there is someone who we can’t say ‘it’ to, we can consider if anything needs to be said at all because most times – it doesn’t.  Pay attention and you’ll be surprised how many times you feel like you REALLY need to say something and when you think about it, you really don’t.

Thanks to my friend, Tee – for her wise words and to my friend, Linda for the beautiful photo in this post – from the North Country of New Hampshire!  And thank you, readers, for accepting this post as is…. usually I take more time and edit, edit away, but this one – I want it to be as it is.  Thanks for not minding!

Giving gratitude.
Setting intentions.
Sending love.
Special thoughts.
Extending blessings.
Letting go.
Making dreams come true.
Abundant Health.
Dealing with changes.
Living life fully.
Being happy.
Simplicity.
Peace.

My wish is for us to live in this awareness every single day.  To make the choice to find time every day to think about what is important, what we want from life, how we want to BE (with ourselves and others)… living with purpose and intention.

Living Life, Making Choices – what are some of the ways your choices will impact the 365 days of 2012?!

Photo courtesy of my niece, Olivia Barker.

Isn’t it beautiful – both the quote and the pic?  Thanks for sharing – Christie Doyle Pennell.

Wounded Warrior Project – my friend, Joe, informed me about this great organization.  Their mission is:  to foster the most successful, well-adjusted generation of wounded service members in our nation’s history.

One Common Unity – a fellow Elephant Journal writer, HawaH, founded this organization whose mission is: to nurture sustainable, caring communities through innovative peace education services, arts initiatives and media programming.

WLNH’s Children Auction – my good friend, Sheryl, participated in this auction – as did my friend Susie and others from the Lakes Region in NH.  The Children’s Auction PubMania event, put on by Patrick’s Pub, raised an unbelievable $110,770. The Children’s Auction helps community organizations in the Central New Hampshire region.

I also gave gift cards and cash to individuals who I knew could benefit from that, people who are/were having a hard time during this challenging economic time affecting middle and lower class families.

Even if you cannot provide financial assistance to those in need, consider a way in which you can help someone who needs it – giving of your time in some way.

I’ll continue to give by way of money and my talents in 2012, but since I was not so good about posting about it in 2011, it’s likely I will not post about it in 2012 – unless it’s something that develops into a story/lesson more than the giving.

I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver.
~Maya Angelou

PEACE,
~Maureen

Today’s high level of job-related stress has reached once unimaginable levels. There is a definite correlation to the stress experienced on everyday jobs and the related illness reported by a generally long-living American public. There are essentially two kinds of job-related stress: physical and emotional. Both affect us and our families on a daily basis. However, they can be dealt with and lessened so there is hope at the end of the proverbial tunnel.

Physical Stress
In most jobs, you are training your body to perform tasks that don’t come naturally. This can be a cause of physical stress. Whether it is as a fork-lift operator at a warehouse or Certified Nursing Assistant, (CNA) working at an assisted living facility, much of work-related stress can come from danger and frequency of work-related injury. A nurse or nurse assistant who does not knowing how to properly lift, move or turn over a bed-ridden patient may suffer a life-long back injury. One fairly recent 1999 Ohio University study listed patient handling as a hazardous job, causing frequent low back injury. In particular, the following most commonly used lifting techniques were not considered safe enough to use in health care facilities.

Physical Stress can manifest itself in other ways as well, such as through migraines from staring at the computer or varicose veins from sitting or standing too long in an office or retail position.

Its effect on families: If someone is working in a job with a high level of physical stress, their injury and risk of injury may harm their family. Getting hurt at work can leave someone susceptible to other health problems, and leave them unable to earn money. For those with children, this is a big danger. Partners and children may become stressed by worrying about the worker getting hurt as well.

Emotional/Psychological Stress Related To The Families of Workers
Persons experience emotional stress in most any work environment but particularly susceptible are those who regularly deal as “helpers” or “facilitators,” police and first responders, social workers, air traffic controllers and teachers among many groups. A large factor is how much time the employee spends with people on a daily basis.

Its effect on families: When someone works with people all day, they may come home from work feeling emotionally exhausted, and have a difficult time responding to loved ones’ emotional needs. This can cause partners and children of the worker to feel like they are being left out of the worker’s life, or may even cause feelings of grief and abandonment.

Methods To Combat Job-Related Stress
Below are a few of several effective methods used to help deal with job-related stress. There are practical, simple to implement and above all, they work every time they are put to work.

Time Alone
For most, being alone helps with time and space to organize one’s thought patterns, evaluate one’s inner-most feelings and get away from it all. Saving time for ourselves is an important factor in dealing with stress. Finding at least 15 minutes for quiet reflection can help you reconnect with others again and feel refreshed.

Movement
It is important to move around at work- sitting or standing for too long can cause stiffness and soreness, or even medical problems later down the line. Getting up every hour or so from your desk at work, or walking around and shifting weight from leg to leg in a standing job can really make a difference in how the body feels once work is over.

Prayer, Meditation, Yoga

As tools for helping clear the mind, yoga, meditation, and prayer can be incorporated as part of any daily routine. Yoga is especially helpful as it focuses on relieving the physical and mental stress simultaneously, calming the mind and stretching the body.

Today’s high level of work-related stress has become a danger to our health and well-being. However, incorporating some relatively simple and inexpensive techniques can help you safely navigate through life’s minefields with less damage to your body and mind, keeping you healthy for yourself and your family.

Elizabeth graduated with a degree in Public Health Administration before relocating with her family to Seattle.  She is currently writing, and her favorite topics include health care, work-life balance, and travel.

On the mat:
Once we get the concept that yoga postures will be easier when we breathe smoothly – then we begin to find the meditative quality of the practice. This takes our practice to a level beyond the physical.

Off the mat: If your breath is erratic pay attention, consider why it is that way, and intentionally slow it down. If it’s too shallow bring your awareness to the breath and purposefully increase the quality. A steady breath = a steady mind. A steady mind = peacefulness.

2)      Gratitude

On the mat:
Be grateful that we can move our body – that we have the capacity to get ourselves on the mat and in the moments when a posture is challenging, be in the moment, be with the posture – ask yourself – what is this here to teach me?

Off the mat:
The passage of time – when things are going well, time seems to go by swiftly and when life is presenting us with challenges, time seems to go by painfully slow. Either way – we must remember – the event and emotions are impermanent…. it will change…. which is why it is important to embrace the present moment. Whether it is enjoyable or difficult is not really the point – the point is – the experience is presented to teach us something and within the lesson, there is always an opportunity to be grateful.

3)      Intention

On the mat:
There really is not any reason to spend our time (or money if we are going to a studio/class) practicing yoga without an intention. Everyone’s intention, on each day, will be different. When we step on our mat, we have the opportunity to ask ourselves – what is my intention for the next 60 minutes?

Off the mat:
Living with intention requires dedication to awareness. Paying attention to our choices, our actions, and how we react to others. Every day we make choices.  We choose one thought over another, we choose one behavior over another, and we choose to take one path over another.  When we investigate our lives, existing with awareness, and taking responsibility for our choices, we are choosing to live an authentic life.

Make an amazing day!
Namaste,

~Maureen

HalfMoon Pond photo by my good friend, Melanie Dostie.

If there is to be peace in the world,
There must be peace in the nations.

If there is to be peace in the nations,
There must be peace in the cities.

If there is to be peace in the cities,
There must be peace between neighbors.

If there is to be peace between neighbors,
There must be peace in the home.

If there is to be peace in the home,
There must be peace in the heart.

~ Lao Tzu

Photo from Colby Farms website… their annual Sunflower blooming field.

How to do this?
Mindful Parenting.
Instilling self-esteem and self-confidence.
Being an excellent role model.
And a whole lot ‘o love!

Erik Erikson’s Psychosocial Stages of Development states when children are preschoolers, they try to behave in ways that involve more ‘grown up’ responsibility. At this age when they take initiative, it is important parents react in a positive way to instill self-esteem and self-confidence otherwise the child may feel confused and/or guilty about their behavior.

Sometimes we confused shame and guilt, so let me take a moment here to talk about the difference between them. In her wonderful book, The Gifts of Imperfections, Brené Brown defines shame as – I am bad, and guilt as – I did something bad. In the chapter Origins of Guilt, from the book Guilt and Children, Karen Caplovitz Barrett states that Jerome Kagan’s Theory proposes that guilt is not possible until children can recognize that they can choose how to behave and he states that does not happen until the age of four.  In a journal article (yup – I’m a Grad Student) from 1982, Martin Hoffman describes ‘healthy guilt’ as an appropriate response to harming another and is resolved through atonement, such as making amends, apologizing or accepting punishment.’ He describes ‘unhealthy guilt as ‘a pervasive sense of responsibility for others’ pain that is not resolved, despite efforts to atone.’

As a Life/Health Coach I frequently hear many clients talk about feeling guilty, so let’s take it just a bit further so we understand for ourselves (if we tend to feel guilty) and so we have some information about how to address this if we are still raising children. Brené Brown’s  research shows that children who use more shame self-talk (I am bad) versus guilt self-talk (I did something bad) struggle mightily with issues of self-worth and self-loathing. Using shame to parent teaches children that they are not inherently worthy of love.  (Thank you, Brené, for that last sentence, which may explain a lot for so many.) Furthermore, in research about shame and guilt in preschool depression (say – what?! – preschooler depression?!), it was determined that high levels of shame and pathological guilt are a known feature in adult depression. So, it’s easy to see the importance of being mindful of how we deal with our children from the emotional standpoint.

How do we act and react with others? What is our communication style? How do we spend our time? When we live with intention and purpose, we are modeling for our children. Brené Brown (2010) writes in The Gifts of Imperfection: Where we are on our journey of living and loving with our whole hearts is a much stronger indicator of parenting success than anything we can learn from how-to books. I believe that when we evaluate our own values and beliefs and determine if we are living in alignment with them, it can be an important part of evaluating our parenting style.

Think about the following when parenting (really when in relationship with ANYbody)

• Treat children with respect, always.
• Show them unconditional love, especially when disciplining.
• Set limits and be consistent, challenging and a must!
• Spend time with your kids. Not just ‘with’ them – but WITH them.  Be present.
• Decision-making – give them choices rather than telling them what to do.
  (exception would include – when it involves their safety)
• Demonstrate by example. Be an excellent role model.

They are all important, for sure, however, in closing – I’d like to take a look at the fourth bullet. It is about spending quality time with your kids. This reminds me of the song written, and performed, by Harry Chapin – The Cats in the Cradle. It’s about a father who is too busy for his son. As he is growing up the son says ‘you know I’m gonna be like you, Dad’.  The son wants to play catch. The son asks the father to spend time with him in various ways, but the father is always working or busy and doesn’t make time for his son. Then when the son is grown, and has a family of his own, the father is not as busy.  The father asks his son to spend time with him and the son says ‘I’d love to Dad, if I could find the time. You see my new jobs a hassle, and the kids have the flu. But It’s sure nice talking to you, Dad, It’s been sure nice talking to you……..“ And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me – He’d grown up just like me, My boy was just like me…………..’

Living Life, Making ‘parenting’ Choices – what are they for you?

There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots. The other is wings.
~ Hodding Carter, Jr.

I know of yoga teachers who have had affairs with students.
I know yoga teachers who are self-centered.
I know yoga teachers who gossip.
I know yoga teachers who have envious tendencies.
I know yoga teachers who are not easy to forgive others.

I do my best to not judge any of that (though I must admit I am still challenged with not judging affairs since I have strong opinions about what it takes for a person to cheat on a spouse/partner) and live my life, making the best choices for where I am at – today.  It is my belief that everyone is doing the best they can, at any point in their life, given their current circumstances.  So, let’s take a real life example – if I reach out to someone and ask to have a conversation about something that I think did not go well in our relationship and the other person makes the choice to not respond, I need to let go.  It can be challenging especially when we want to mend fences and instead we are left creating stories about the situation, but in the end, we can only take responsibility for our own actions and reactions and make the choice to move on.  That is yoga!

Yoga doesn’t ask us to believe, it asks us to practice, examining our experience until we can witness the truth in the book of our own heart. ~ Dave Stringer

What do we all have in common – yoga practitioners and those who do not step on the mat?  We make choices, we make mistakes …. and if we are open to receive them, we learn valuable life lessons.

This is what I know for sure:

Every day we make choices.

We choose one thought over another,
we choose one behavior over another,
we choose to take one path over another.

When we investigate our lives,
existing with awareness
and taking responsibility for our choices,

we are choosing to live an authentic life.

FOR OUR WORLD

We need to stop.
Just stop.
Stop for a moment.
Before anybody
Says or does anything
That may hurt anyone else.
We need to be silent.
Just silent.
Silent for a moment.
Before we forever lose
The blessing of songs
That grow in our hearts.
We need to notice.
Just notice.
Notice for a moment.
Before the future slips away
Into ashes and dust of humility.
Stop, be silent, and notice.
In so many ways, we are the same.
Our differences are unique treasures.
We have, we are, a mosaic of gifts
To nurture, to offer, to accept.
We need to be.
Just be.
Be for a moment.
Kind and gentle, innocent and trusting,
Like children and lambs,
Never judging or vengeful
Like the judging and vengeful.
And now, let us pray,
Differently, yet together,
Before there is no earth, no life,
No chance for peace.

September 11, 2001
© Matthew Joseph Thaddeus Stepanek

Before his death, Mattie was asked how he wanted to be remembered – he replied: “When people hear my name after I am gone, I hope they smile and say, ‘oh yes, Mattie — he was a poet, a peacemaker, and a philosopher who played.’ So, that is how I choose to think and speak and live each day.”  By living with intention, and on purpose, Mattie showed us how making a choice contributes to how we live and how we will be remembered.

When I informed his mom, Jeni Stepanek, that I would be writing a post about Mattie, I asked her if she would like me to include anything.  She said, in part, that she would like to encourage us to learn about the ‘For Our World Campaign’ – which can be found on the website.  They hope to gather more translations of Mattie’s 9/11 poem, but more importantly, they hope the poem is downloaded (free!) and posted on websites, bulletin boards, blogs, facebook pages, refrigerators, etc., around the world as we move toward the 10^th anniversary of 9/11.

As you watch this You Tube video, please consider supporting the continued work of Mattie’s Foundation by purchasing products (Jeni wrote an inspirational book about Mattie’s life, called Messenger, and Mattie wrote many poetry books), donating to the Foundation (my June ‘giving’) or helping to spread the word of Mattie’s Foundation.  I honor Mattie’s mom, Jeni, for nurturing Mattie to become more of who he was and foster what he had to offer so he was able to share his insights and messages with the world.  Thank you, Jeni.

In one of Oprah’s interviews with Mattie, she asked him: What do you know for sure, Mattie?
Mattie replied: That our attitude is a choice. I believe we can decide to be miserable, to roll ourselves in the dirt and say, ‘Hit me again.’ But when we do that, we’re missing out on so much! I know for sure that while it’s great to have role models, we should never try to be anyone but ourselves. I know for sure that when we use words, not bombs, we all get peace. I know for sure that there’s something bigger than the here and now—some people call it God, some call it Buddha, some call it Yahweh. I know for sure that we don’t need to be afraid of death, because we’ll be greeted by something better on the other side. And I know for sure that life is a gift to be treasured—and that we must always live it to the fullest.

Oh, yes, that Mattie- he was a pretty amazing human being!

Om Shanti
Om Peace,
~Maureen